Forgiveness
by jadedcutie494
Summary: just a quick oneshot I wrote for RE about forgiveness Alec tries to forgive himself for hurting Rachel


Forgiveness

Elspeth Clarke

_Guilt, love, pain, guilt._ That's what ran through me when I heard that music. _Our music, our song._ But who would be calling me just to play that song to me? I had to know, I had to find out if she's still alive. That's why here, scaling the wall to the Berrisford Mansion. I reach the house, undetected of course, and when I look up I see a shadow pass by the window. It's a girl, and the first thing that jumps into my head is _Rachel._ Part of me wants to believe it's her, that she's still alive, the part that Rachel taught me about. But the other part, the soldier in me, tells me it's not possible when she was so close to the bomb. _The bomb that I planted._ I remember that day so clearly…

_I crept through the property, and, avoiding the guards, slipped the small but deadly bomb under Berrisford's car. I was about to leave when I saw her in her room. She was getting ready for school, and she looked as beautiful as ever. That's when it hit me; I couldn't do this, I could destroy the best thing that had ever happened to me, so I snuck inside and raced up the stairs, bumping into her on the way. She was so confused, and I was so scared for her that I told her the truth. She slapped me, and I broke her locket off when she tried to get past me. I followed her, and if that guard hadn't gotten in my way I might not have been too late. I got outside just in time to see the car blow up, but I couldn't get to Rachel. They came and got me. They were the ones who pulled the trigger, but it was still my fault. I never saw her again._

The soldier in me wins, for now, and I leave the property and go home.

But the next night I leave Crash, and I'm greeted by three big men, with tasers. They're clearly winning, but suddenly Max is there, and she's helping me. I can't help it, my anger gets the best of me, and when I've got one of the guys on the ground, I can't seem to stop kicking him, until Max yells at me.

'Alec! Hey!' I turn and see her looking at me, walking towards me. I flinch away, and then I get angry. 'Stay the hell away from me!' I walk away then, not bothering to look back to see if she's hurt or angry. But I don't get too far when my phone rings. I look at, then decide to answer it. That was my first mistake; it's the music again, our song. I throw my phone at the wall in anger, and then I make my second mistake; I go back to the house.

This time I don't care about being seen. I walk straight in the front door and up the stairs, knocking out the guards I meet with one punch. I reach the room the shadow was in last night, and I see her; there's a young woman with long brown hair standing at the window, and my hope soars, but then she turns around, and it's not her.

'Where's Rachel? Where is she?' I yell, until I feel the hard metal at the back of my neck.

'Hello Simon' Berrisford says from behind me. He leads me downstairs, into his study, where he ties me up, before he starts lecturing me. 'You came into my house, you pretended to care for my daughter…'

'I did care for her' I interrupt, but this only makes him angrier.

'Don't lie to me!' he yells, then he pauses before he starts again in a softer tone. 'She saved my life that day. She was screaming for me, and I got out of the car. If it wasn't for her, I would've been sitting in that car. The blast knocked us both down, but Rachel was so lucky. She fell into a coma and she never woke up. She's been dying for two years, and I haven't been able to do anything to stop it.' He stops and looks at my face, and I can feel the tears starting to escape no matter how hard I try no to let him see. 'They didn't tell you?' I shake my head slightly, then look up at him.

'What are you waiting for? I deserve it. Kill me! Do it!' I scream at him, and he raises the gun, but then he falls to the ground suddenly, and I see Max standing behind him. She walks over to me and undoes the ropes that tie my hands together.

'I told you to come to me before you got yourself in trouble.' She says, and as soon as my hands are free, I move away from, towards the door. But I turn back at the last minute.

'And I told you to leave me alone, Max.' This time I see the hurt look on her face, but that's not my concern at the moment. Rachel is. I hurry up the stairs, and towards her room. When I see her, lying in the bed, I can't help myself. The tears come freely now, as I hold her hand, and give her back the locket I've carried for two years. 'I'm so sorry Rachel. I never meant for this to happen. I didn't understand… I didn't understand how much I loved you. I should've fought them harder, should've stopped them. I should've explained it better to you… I should've done a lot differently, but I didn't know any better. I was just starting to learn when I met you, and they took me away from you so I couldn't learn any more. And you were never meant to get caught in the cross fire, but you did, and I'm so sorry.' I lay my head down next to her, and I hold her hand, but I don't stay too long because I know Berrisford will wake up soon, and this will probably be the first place he comes. So I leave, and I know this is the last time I'll ever see her alive again.

And I'm right. Two weeks later, Rachel died. The life support stopped working, and she slipped away during the night. I know I shouldn't, but I go to the funeral, and as I'm standing at the grave, I hear Berrisford approaching.

'Don't come back here again.' He tells me, and I nod my agreement, even if he can't see me. I turn to walk away, but stop when he starts talking again. 'I thought I could kill you, I hate you that much. But at the end of the day, I'm still Rachel's father, and I still want to make her proud. And I know that if she was here, she would forgive, because that's the kind of person she was. I don't know if I can forgive you, but I can tell you that she would have. I know you tried to stop us being in that car, that was the last thing she told me, so I have to believe her. And because of that, I have to forgive you.' Then he turns and leaves, and with one last look at Rachel's headstone, I leave too.

He says he forgives me, and he says that Rachel would tool. And the truth is, I know he's right; she would because that was the kind of person she was. And while it helps, I know it won't be right until I can forgive myself, and I don't know if that can happen. But for now, I need to try and move on with my life, and I need to think about the people who are still here, like my friends, who I know tried to help me when they saw I was in trouble, but who I brushed off. So I head to work, to try and make things right with the people I still can. But I never forget Rachel, and try as I might, I can never forgive myself.


End file.
